I often don't write simply because I don't have a long or very meaningful post. But this is all I have tonight.
My only day off is normally filled these days with appointments. Today it was an hour of physical therapy, 45 minutes at the chiropractor, 2 hours at the acupuncturist, and then 3 hours of training for the Basilica - all of this with breaks of maybe an hour in between, mostly spent battling traffic.
I am just exhausted.
I'm taking a few more baby steps each week away from my emergency work. This week I had two friends look over my resume, got on Indeed, and actually applied for one that looked really interesting. I was really surprised to see that there were three or four jobs that I actually thought I would be good at and enjoy. It doesn't sound like much when I read it written down here, but it was huge. Just huge, not only to take a concrete step in that direction, but to have hope. Hope that a different career than this one could still give my life and my story meaning.
The next day - yesterday - I stopped by the county license office and surrendered my ambulance plates. They hadn't yet expired and neither had the tabs; I guess that applying for that job, whether I hear from them or not, freed me in more ways than one. (I never paid particular attention to my license plates, but after 13 years my car sure looks strange now.)
I also registered for a graduate school tour and workshop in Milwaukee yesterday. I'm not sure yet if I'll drive (my car is awaiting about $800 in repairs) or take the Mega Bus, but I did find a very cheap (and per two friends who have lived there, safe) place to stay for a night or two, depending on how the work schedule plays out.
So, just a short post tonight, but containing what is, for me, big news. The latest man who dishonored my heart doesn't get to win. My disappointment with God doesn't get to win. The rotten job that refuses to give me so much as a day off doesn't get to win. The pain in my arm and neck and the struggle to get better again, don't get to win. Not tonight.
Three miles. Breathed it in and cried it out, running toward whatever comes next.